This was taken (we think) at Stella's 3 month dr appt. We received this set of photos on July 9.
This was taken (we think) at her 2 month dr appt. We received this set of photos on June 19.*I was SO SO SO excited when we got the second set of photos. Then, when I received the third set it really hit me that we are missing SO MUCH. I think she has changed SO SO SO much between our referral photos and her 3 month photos. She looks like SUCH a big girl now! AND, she is FOUR months old now. Obviously she has grown even more . . . I wish we could put her in a bubble until we get her!!! This waiting is so much harder than I expected. I'm usually ok until I get pictures. Then it hits me all over again.
*I've been thinking alot lately about the kind of mom I want to be. I want to be the mom that just does everything I do now with Stella in tow. I want to be the mom that has more patience than I ever thought possible. I want to be the mom that never yells. I want to be the mom that is always happy. I want to be the mom that always knows what to do and how to do it. I want to be the mom that "always knows", even when noone tells her. I want to be the mom that is always prepared and always on time. I want to be the mom that always has a clean house. These are just a FEW of the things I want to be. But, I'm not sure I'll ever be any of these things. These are the things my mom is, not the things I am. It's so difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that I am a mom. Most of the time I don't feel old enough to be a mom. Obviously I am and I want to be one more than anything, it's just so ODD to think of myself this way. I just keep telling myself that it will all come . . . eventually. Currently though I am an impatient, yeller who is happy part of the time. [read: can't stand to wait for ANYTHING - yell when I'm happy, mad and everything in between :) - not always one to look on the bright side of things.] I also never seem to know what to do or how to do it. I can usually figure it out, but I never just know. (I think that was kindof a "look on the bright side" comment!!!! Maybe that's a turn in the right direction!!!) My mom ALWAYS ALWAYS knows EVERYTHING even when I don't tell her . . . how is that?!?!?!?!?! I'm hoping the day we get Stella I inherit that quality. Always prepared (usually I think) - always on time?!?!?! not so much. I used to be on time always. Then, I married Michael. Now, I seem to run on his time (which seems to be in another category all-together.) Clean house? Well, considering I work 2 jobs right now and we are trying to get a business off the ground that's a big fat NEGATIVE and it drives me CRAZY!!!! I love having a clean house, but the time to do it is another story. Obviously when Stella comes home things will be changing, but right now this is me. And my life is I-N-S-A-N-E. OUR life is insane. If you told me a year ago that this is where we would be and how our lives would be I would have laughed in your face. When we lived in South Carolina we were so different. But I have to admit that I love our life. Even when it is hard and waiting for Stella seems INFINITE, I would not change a thing. We have learned so much about ourselves over the past year and are so much stronger than we thought we were. Although I am SO SO SO ready for a change. And her name is Stella. She already holds my heart.
4 comments:
Comment by Chi: UMMMMMMMMMM. I would love to be the first to tell you that you WILL be the mom that YOU want to be. You have such a great mindset_ you know what you want and you go after it! You always succeed! You always come out on top! You always hold your head above water- no I am sorry. YOU walk on water. You make life seem so simple. I envy you. Your persistance, your beauty, your drive, your motivation. You will instill so much of your same qualities in Stella. I know your mom has made you strong and you will then pass great strength to Stella.
Sure you do look at the glass as half empty but only because you have shared the other half with someone you love. You pour your heart and soul into someone or something with great passion. YOU will be the best mother ever!!!!!!
It is always so exciting to get the new pictures, but you are right--it is also heartbreaking to see our babies growing up in pictures.
I think the adoption process challenges and refines all of us. I think the difficulty of the process ultimately will make all of us better, more appreciative, more patient parents.
Comment by kate:
Natalie~you're going to be a WONDERFUL mommy...wait...you already are a WONDERFUL mommy!!! Just listening to your heart poured out through this blog proves that! Stella is already the luckiest, sweetest little angel because she has you & Michael for parents!
God will guide you, protect you, stregthen you, and give you the patience you so desire through Stella!
I can't wait to meet her!!!!!!!
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