29 August 2007

time passing us by . . .

time seems to keep moving . . . very quickly . . . and we still don't have our daughter. how do i feel about this? ANGRY today. probably ANNOYED tomorrow. and probably SAD the day after. this seems to be my normal, never-ending cycle. of course i still have no news to report. 2 nights ago i went into Stella's closet and went through all her stuff. i started organizing her clothes into sizes. i just needed to be around her things. things that hopefully soon she will be wearing and playing with. it feels wrong for me to ask "why me" because i am not BY ANY MEANS the only person to be going through this. but, here i am, asking it nonetheless. i feel ashamed to even type that. i am SO BLESSED in SO MANY WAYS. yet, i feel this hole in my life. a hole that seems as though it may never be filled. sometimes i can ignore the feeling. other times i feel like there's no room to feel anything else, like the feeling will just swollow me up.

3 comments:

Courtney said...

Nat, I know the waiting is very hard. Just remember it is hard for Stella to wait to be with you guys... Hang in there. Something good will happen soon. I am here if you need me. Courtney

Melissa said...

I think I have felt all those emotions too. This process is so hard, so emotionally draining, but it will be so worth it in the end. Stella will come home.

Jenn said...

I totally know how you feel! Every day (ok maybe every few hours:)is a different emotion for me. I think it is totally normal to go through those feelings in this time! The good news is that eventually she will be home in your arms and these feelings will feel so distant you will almost not even remember what they felt like! She will be home with you soon!