27 December 2007

2007

Christmas was wonderful. we went to Arkansas to spend the holiday with my family. i love this time of year. (minus the cold and wind and snow and ice - it would be perfect in the sun on the beach in summer!!!) i loved almost every minute of it - if only Stella were home.

well, this year has come and is almost gone. the holidays have been a little difficult because when we began this adoption journey we thought she would be home by Christmas. each passing milestone becomes that much more difficult because last year we both said it was our last _____ without Stella with big ole grins on our faces. and yet, here we are again. the emptiness i feel is impossible for the average person the understand. if you haven't been though what i've been through, you can't do or say ANYTHING to make it better. i just want my daughter. i feel like i've been beyond patient. especially considering i have NO patience!!! i'm tired of this entire thing being out of my control. i am tired of everything. this has been a very rough year for me personally, financially, and in every other way imaginable. i'm ready for it to be OVER. and good riddance. 2008 will be better.

4 comments:

Courtney said...

Hang in there. Keep your chin up. Stay strong. courtney

The Mohrmanns said...

Nat,
2008 WILL be better! You are an amazingly strong and PATIENT person! I know you say you have no patience, well I would have to say you have lots! Hang in there and Little Stella is very lucky to have you as her Mom. She'll be here soon. We are praying. Lots of Love from St. Louis! K, G, & H

Telissa said...

I am back, and you have got to believe that right around the corner is closer than tomorrow! close your eyes and imagine stellas laugh, her sigh and you will have a smile on your face before you know it! at times i wish i have not held mariela, because it makes it unbearable to leave her...but just a little further down this path...and Stella is there waiting :)

Jenn said...

I know what you mean. I am so tired of saying "this will be our last____ without a baby!" and then it not coming true! I am sure there will be great things to come in 2008! I'm praying for you guys!