06 December 2007

wow . . .

2 blog moms are OUT and have their Embassy appointments next week : Melissa and Shannon. CONGRATULATIONS to them!!!!! news of their upcoming travels on Friday has got me thinking about what it might feel like when we receive our news. honestly i can't even imagine. i think it might be one of those times when everything flies by in a flash and when it's over i can barely remember it . . . actually i'm afraid of that . . . so i'm going to make it a POINT to try really REALLY hard to relax and ENJOY every moment. i'm going to try to soak it all up. i'm not going to lie, i'm TERRIFIED. i'm afraid i won't know what to do. most of all i'm afraid she won't like me. i know that's silly, but it's true. sometimes i feel like this entire process is so odd. i have a nursery and all this baby stuff, but no big belly and no baby . . . then one day i'm going to fly to a foreign country and someone is going to hand me stella. and she will be mine. forever. and i can not wait for that day. but at the same time it is very scary. i'm trying to mentally prepare myself, but since i've never done this before i don't have a clue. writing it like i just did makes it all sound so simple. which OBVIOUSLY it is NOT. this has been the single most difficult thing in my life this far. but i still feel blessed for the experience. each day can bring on a completely new emotion. the days are so hard sometimes. sometimes i don't want to get out of bed. i just want to lay there and feel sorry for myself. but then i get mad. mad at myself for feeling that way. i've just had a rough time this week. today feels like it will never end. i honestly though once we were in pgn that the waiting would feel just like all the waiting before. but it doesn't. it feel totally different. in all the earlier steps i was fine. well, maybe not FINE, but i was handling it ok. now that we are in pgn i am counting days and weeks. and they are going SO
S-L-O-W as a result. why is this wait so much more difficult???

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Thanks for the shout out. Tomorrow morning I leave to go get my daughter. I have been dreaming of this time for so long, and now it is almost here. In 37 hours, my baby will be in my arms. I'm smiling contentedly at that thought amidst all the other thoughts and emotions racing through my brain as I prepare to travel.

Your day will come too, and I am praying that day is sooner than you think!

Telissa said...

how come i feel this part i may be a little less apprehensive, since there is nothing, NOTHING i can do?? i'll let you know in a few weeks...but you have to remember that it is all going to fall into place. that happens with all FIRST time mothers...you'll just know!! and this waiting and praying just gives you a little time to pull it all together.