"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~E.M. Forster
i can't say that this is an easy one for me . . . but had i not been able to let go, i would not have my stella. i'm so ready for the life that is waiting for us!
31 January 2008
30 January 2008
a little pick me up.
just when i needed something to get me through our next little "wait" i received photos in my inbox yesterday. she has gotten so big. it makes me sad that we've missed so much already. these last few weeks are going to be really hard but i know they will go by really fast at the same time. thank you everyone for all your congratulations for our OUT call. it's so wonderful to have so much support.
28 January 2008
What's next?
i still can't believe we are OUT of PGN. i honestly think i was starting to believe it would never happen. so utter shock is what i felt initially. then i cried. when i told michael his eyes lit up and we just hugged and said over and over how we can't believe it is really going to happen. on friday we were just really REALLY excited. then saturday my parents were in town, so they helped me get ALL of stella's clothes washed and organized. i can CHECK that off my list! and by sunday we were back to feeling the wait. don't get me wrong, we are still on a high . . . but we still have some waiting to do. this is what we are waiting on :
* birth certificate issued : this will list Stella's birth first and middle names and change her last name to OUR last name!!!!! at this point Stella is legally OURS!!!!!
* passport issued : once she has a birth certificate with OUR last name, she can then get her Guatemalan passport
*submit to US Embassy : we must then request the orphan visa to enter the US
* DNA authorization : this is also referred to as having orange (the color of the paper it is issued on) : stella has already had 1 dna test to verify that she was given up for adoption by her actual birth mother : THIS dna test is simply to verify that she is the same baby that we started the process with (to verify no swap has been illegally made) - once we have the authorization the test can be completed (at a lad in the US) and then must be sent back to the US Embassy in Guatemala
*final medical : stella must have 1 more appointment with an embassy approved doctor
* PINK : this is the paper that our US Embassy appointment date is issued on (it happens to be on pink paper) : this will tell us WHEN we must be in Guatemala and we start PACKING and making our travel arrangements
i have been told by our agency to expect the above steps to take approximately 6-8 weeks. while in Guatemala we will go to the embassy appointment and then we get to come HOME. i am nervous and excited and scared. i just can't believe this is REALLY going to happen. i think i'm STILL in shock! i'm not sure any of this will feel real until we get HOME with her.
* birth certificate issued : this will list Stella's birth first and middle names and change her last name to OUR last name!!!!! at this point Stella is legally OURS!!!!!
* passport issued : once she has a birth certificate with OUR last name, she can then get her Guatemalan passport
*submit to US Embassy : we must then request the orphan visa to enter the US
* DNA authorization : this is also referred to as having orange (the color of the paper it is issued on) : stella has already had 1 dna test to verify that she was given up for adoption by her actual birth mother : THIS dna test is simply to verify that she is the same baby that we started the process with (to verify no swap has been illegally made) - once we have the authorization the test can be completed (at a lad in the US) and then must be sent back to the US Embassy in Guatemala
*final medical : stella must have 1 more appointment with an embassy approved doctor
* PINK : this is the paper that our US Embassy appointment date is issued on (it happens to be on pink paper) : this will tell us WHEN we must be in Guatemala and we start PACKING and making our travel arrangements
i have been told by our agency to expect the above steps to take approximately 6-8 weeks. while in Guatemala we will go to the embassy appointment and then we get to come HOME. i am nervous and excited and scared. i just can't believe this is REALLY going to happen. i think i'm STILL in shock! i'm not sure any of this will feel real until we get HOME with her.
27 January 2008
OUT!!!!!
yep, that's right. you read it correctly! We found out on Friday that our case was released from PGN that exact same day!!! we should travel in roughly 6-8 weeks barring any further complications!!!! i can't even believe it. some of you (family and close friends) may be wondering what's coming next . . . i'll post more tomorrow about our next steps.
YAY!!!! stella really IS coming home!!!
YAY!!!! stella really IS coming home!!!
23 January 2008
7 weeks
in pgn. i'm still counting even though i don't really know if our case is being processed or not. obviously i'm hoping it is, but no - i don't know for sure.
we are still plugging away at our to-do list of house projects. i made a HUGE comprehensive list for our interiour renovations. it's a little daunting. but not as bad as our old house in south carolina. but we have been surprisingly productive over the last 2 weekends. so i'm happy about that. i think michael is going to work on finishing the crib this weekend. that's the very last room decorating. although i still have to move the remainder of my clothing from stella's dressers to our new dresser in our room. once i have that done i can organize her stuff :) then it will be COMPLETELY done and ready for her to come HOME. it's such an odd thing to have a nursery and no child. tons of diapers and wipes and toys and a stroller and a car seat and still no child. it's even MORE odd that once those last little things are completed in her room it will be the only one in the entire house that is completely DONE. the adoption process is full of such emptiness. the only thing that makes it bearable is the end result.
we are still plugging away at our to-do list of house projects. i made a HUGE comprehensive list for our interiour renovations. it's a little daunting. but not as bad as our old house in south carolina. but we have been surprisingly productive over the last 2 weekends. so i'm happy about that. i think michael is going to work on finishing the crib this weekend. that's the very last room decorating. although i still have to move the remainder of my clothing from stella's dressers to our new dresser in our room. once i have that done i can organize her stuff :) then it will be COMPLETELY done and ready for her to come HOME. it's such an odd thing to have a nursery and no child. tons of diapers and wipes and toys and a stroller and a car seat and still no child. it's even MORE odd that once those last little things are completed in her room it will be the only one in the entire house that is completely DONE. the adoption process is full of such emptiness. the only thing that makes it bearable is the end result.
22 January 2008
OUCH!
i think i have a cramp in my right finger from clicking send/receive in my email . . . just in case i were to receive a case update, or photos, or SOME GOOD NEWS from our agency . . . i'm sure we will get bad news, but i still have a very small glimmer of hope that we will be OUT in February - early February. good thing i'm not holding my breath though.
21 January 2008
today.
january 30 will be 8 weeks in pgn. do i think we will miraculously be OUT that day? no. i do expect some kind of update though. this date is significant in my mind, although i'm sure it's not in anyone else's mind. i have been counting dates since we started this process. and let me tell you, counting dates is exhausting. i feel like the last year we have spent waiting has seemed like we are waiting for something to begin. but the reality is that this is my life. this moment right now. i don't want to miss it because i am missing stella. i want my life back. i don't want this process to dominate my mood or my feelings or anything else. it is a part of me, there is no denying that. i don't want to cry anymore. i don't want to be sad anymore. yes, this process sucks right now. but once it's over, and we have stella home with us, i know i will look back at this time and realize it was one of the best decisions we ever made. knowing that will be the outcome, however, does not make it easier right now. BUT, i am reminded of a most fabulous quote that i keep on my desk :
"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. happiness is a journey, not a destination." ~souza
now, that being said, am i still sad that stella is not here, where she should be? yes. do i see an end in sight? no. am i frustrated and annoyed? yes. but the fact remains that i can not change it. no matter what i do, this is my life. and the majority of it is pretty great.
"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. happiness is a journey, not a destination." ~souza
now, that being said, am i still sad that stella is not here, where she should be? yes. do i see an end in sight? no. am i frustrated and annoyed? yes. but the fact remains that i can not change it. no matter what i do, this is my life. and the majority of it is pretty great.
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