whatever.

i am so beyond frustrated with this process. i just got an email from our agency stating that although pgn is temporarily not processing cases, our case is still in pgn. i find this odd considering one of the mom's whose blog i read got OUT of pgn just yesterday. it seems pretty impossible for someone's case to be released from pgn if pgn is not processing cases?!?!?!?! don't ya think?!?!?!?! how is it that our agency has staff down there, but never seems to know what is going on? i'm just going to go about my days thinking pgn IS processing cases . . . whatever. i'm so done with this whole thing. i'm exhausted. having a child is NOT supposed to be this hard. i don't care at this moment what anyone has to say, unless they tell me we are out of pgn. i'm so tired of trying to have faith. i'm so tired of trying to believe this is how things are supposed to be right now. this is NOT how things are supposed to be. stella is supposed to be here with us. i'm in a miserable mood. i don't want to even think about the adoption right now. i'm so tired of a "pending" adoption running my life. i just want my daughter. i'm tired of wanting to be a mom. i just want to be one already! i just want this to be (insert long stream of vulgar profanities) finished! with stella home OBVIOUSLY. with us. here. in her home. in her bed. in her room. now. no more being optimistic (or trying to be). i'm angry. this is just the most rediculous thing i've EVER experienced. i feel like throwing myself on the floor and kicking and screaming. and NO i DON'T want to talk about it. i'd rather pout.