28 March 2009

today is the one year anniversary of the day we came HOME with stella. i can't even describe how good it felt to be HOME with her. once we landed on US soil and made it through immigration, we were so relieved. then, when we flew into KC, we were met by our 2 closest non-family family members :) aunt jilli and uncle jason picked us up at the airport. it was so odd to have other people see us as a family and see HER. everything seemed so surreal until we got HOME. i think i was terrified someone would take her away from me. we have been loving on her a little more this week and squeezing her a little tighter. we can't believe it's been a year :)

today we had her second birthday party. she doesn't officially turn 2 until wednesday, but today seemed like a good day for a par-tay. we had lots of good friends and family there. stella LOVED being the center of attention and played her part well :) i made these funny hats for everyone to wear and we had lots of food - and cupcakes of course!

opening a present from Aunt Cathy before the party.

playing with my new bowling set from nonna and poppa d.

daddy and his girl.

dancing with marti.

i LOVE the way she is looking at marti!

happy happy girl!

my favorite manly shot of the evening.

quite possibly my new favorite picture :)

dancing with marti again.

bowing with marti. she had a whole choreographed dance she was doing with stella all night!

blowing out my TWO candles.

eating my YUMMY YUMMY cupcake from little bird bake shop. aunt meagan owns it and make the BEST. CUPCAKES. EVER.

fingerpainting fun!!!

giving reese kisses night night.

playing ball at the end of the night.

uncle jason teaching stella to use her finger puppets he and aunt meagan got her.

she loves them :)

we love all of you for coming to the party! stella had SO much fun!

our very first GOTCHA DAY!

i can't believe one year ago today we held stella for the very first time. i can't believe it's been a year, yet i can't believe she hasn't always been with us. she is the very best thing that has ever happened to me. the very best thing that has ever happened to us. i think i could cry at the drop of a hat at any given moment this entire week. i can't imagine my life without her and would never go back. i wouldn't change one. single. thing. all the heartache, all the pain, all the agony. all of it brought me to her and she is everything. nothing i could type could ever capture my exact feelings about this day. we are so grateful to be stella's parents. things are exactly as they should be. i'll just leave it at that and get to the good stuff . . .

mommy and daddy both took the day off to spend as a family. we started our day with a lazy morning in bed. all 3 of us watching cartoons in and out of a sleepy daze. smiling and knowing what today was. we had breakfast at home and got ready for stella's first trip to the zoo! it was really chilly this morning and our trip was cut very short because it poured down rain! i didn't get many pictures at the zoo because we were running around so that she could see as many animals as possible before the bottom fell out!

this is stella's first view of the "monkmees" as she calls them :)

she LOVES those monkmees!

stella and daddy watching a peacock! i wish i would've gotten a picture of her face when she stood right next to one. hilarious. she froze and just stood there with her forehead all wrinkled up and her mouth wide open!!! too funny :)

after the zoo we had lunch, then stella and daddy took a cozy nap together :) it was a perfect thunder-stormy afternoon for a nap!

after naptime, stella had art-time. she LOVES to color :) and of COURSE she needed to wear her tutu for that!

concentrating VERY hard!

this was our VERY FIRST family photo - taken in guatemala on 3/24/08.

we decided we needed a ceremonial photo to commemorate today - 3/24/09.

WE ARE FAMILY!
WE LOVE YOU STELLA LU! HAPPY GOTCHA DAY!

wow.

one year ago today, we were on a plane at this very moment. on a plane to guatemala. one year ago today, we knew we would meet our daughter the following day. i can't even describe my feelings. i have been very emotional the last week or so. our lives have changed COMPLETELY in the last year. stella is our whole world. on one hand, we can't believe it has already been a year. on the other hand, we feel like she's always been with us!

things haven't always been easy in the last year. we've been through alot. i have chosen not to talk about alot of it because it's what i do. but i think it's time. stella's adjustment to her life here with us was amazingly easy. michael's adjustment to fatherhood was seamless. he is SUCH an amazing father. my adjustment to motherhood, however, is another story. i honestly had moments when i thought there wasn't a motherly bone in my body. i had read many, many stories on other blogs about mothers who had that "instant" connection with their children. i didn't expect that for myself, but i also didn't expect things to develop as slowly over time as they have. don't get me wrong. of COURSE i loved stella the instant i saw her. i just didn't feel like a mother. she always preferred michael over me and it was difficult for me. i spent tons of time crying wondering what was wrong with me. i was frustrated and sad.

well that was the beginning. things are totally different now :) very slowly, i turned into her mother. apparently, i AM motherly :) i DO have patience. i DO know how to handle her tantrums. i DO know how to make her happy. i DO know what she is saying when NOONE else does. i DO love her more than life itself. it just happened. i woke up one day and realized that i am stella's mom. she is my daughter. and this is exactly how things are supposed to be. we have SO much fun together. i am still a goer and doer. i have to constantly remind myself to SLOW DOWN and enjoy every second with her. we are going to wake up one day and she will be 13 and completely embarrassed by us :) so for now, i am loving having an almost 2 year old :)

i do wonder how being an adoptive mother is different from a birth mother. i wonder if i had given birth to stella if i would have felt totally differently. would i have still had a hard time in this transition to being a mother? this is one thing i will never know. it doesn't make me sad anymore. i know that i am stella's mother and that God made her just for us. i KNOW THAT inside and out. but it still makes me wonder. as every, single friend - one by one - gets pregnant and has their children, it actually makes me feel even more isolated from that world. it's a world that i will never know. it seems like a parallel universe for about the first 9 months and then seems to collide back as one. do i isolate myself, or is it just that all new moms need a transition period? i'm thinking it might be a little of both. for now, i'm just going to separate myself, both to respect "the transition" and to protect my heart a little. there are still some tender spots in there that i choose to ignore most of the time. it's easier to ignore if i protect them.

GUESS WHAT....

STELLA POOPED IN THE POTTY TODAY!!!
this is us washing our hands afterwards :) she was SO proud of herself! she kept telling daddy "potty" over and over, so he put her on her potty and she WENT!!! she's been constantly asking to sit on it, but usually she doesn't actually do anything. this was the first time! i'm not expecting anything miraculous, i'm sure this was a fluke . . . PLUS i'm not ready for her to grow up so fast!!! but it was a BIG day at our house!

winter wonderland!

it is FREEZING here right now. we got several inches of sleet that started yesterday and hasn't stopped, but about the time we got home this evening it turned into BIG, OLE snowflakes! stella has seen plenty of ice, but not big snowflakes like these. so, we took her outside. her mittens are in our other car at our office, so i had to improvise :)

stella and meg all ready to go outside.

grinning, but not so sure about it.

my attempt at a photo of the 2 of us in the snow.

we were out there for all of 5 minutes before mommy decided she'd had enough :) it's pretty - as long as i'm inside in the warm!

busy weekend!

my best friend jill (and stella's godmother) was here this weekend. she is due with her first baby on march 21 and is THE cutest pregnant lady i've ever seen! she came into town for the baby shower i threw her on saturday.

we also exchanged Christmas gifts since we missed each other over the holidays this year. this is stella trying on all her gifts friday night before bed and playing with the others she got from her aunt jilli.

reading where's the poop with daddy on sunday morning.

playing in the kitchen with aunt jilli on sunday morning. stella LOVE LOVE LOVES ring around the rosey and just spinning in general!

riding daddy down the hallway sunday morning.

after playing aunt jilli was getting ready and stella decided she needed her hair dryed too.

me and my other half :) + with her BIG OLE BELLY. i love it and i love HER.

done it - haven't done it.

I got this post from Jennifer & Shiloh's blog. but it was fun to read and made for an easy post, so here it goes...

RED are things I've done
BLUE are things I'd like to do
BLACK are the ones I don't want to do

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables [i am planning to do it this summer!]
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors -some of them
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater [i LOVE drive-ins!]
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle [been on a motorcycle, but NOT a speeding one!]
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House [just the outside]
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating [never. gonna. happen.]
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life [haven't done so yet, but i hope if i was in the situation it would just naturally happen]
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous [well, SEEN someone famous]
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee